Chapter Four, In Charge

Chapter Four

In Charge


I was being dragged to the town square by the burly blacksmith and the meaty baker. Why was everyone in this town so strong?

Andrea and Arthur were following me (thank goodness, I don't know what I'd do without her and I was starting to like Arthur) as well as the mob who wanted to see the new king pull the Sword.

No matter how hard I squirmed or how loud I protested, I was brought to the Stone with an audience. All eyes were on me. I hated it.

Pull it!” an old lady yelled from the crowd.

I don't want to! I thought rebelliously. But there were many more people yelling for me to pull the sword and if I said “no” out loud, they could have killed me.


I glanced around to see Arthur shoving his way towards me, Andrea behind him. He stood in front of the Stone, in front of me, and cleared his voice. Andrea slipped her cold hand in my sweating one.

Listen!” Arthur cried. “We have forgotten about the Sword in the Stone for years. We were even planning a tournament to see who was king instead. Why do we care about it so much now?”

Because the heavens were true!” a man called out.

He is the true king!”

What if he doesn't want to be king?!” Andrea yelled.

This silenced everyone. They were all staring at her now, but that was when my sister shone the brightest.

This boy is my brother!” Andrea continued. “And he didn't pull the—”

I quickly cut her off. I knew what she was doing. “I did!”

Everyone gasped and started shouting.

Prove it!”

Pull it again!”

Become our king!”

Andrea whirled on me. I expected her to be flushed and angry, but she was crying. “Why did you do that?” she whispered, yanking me into a hug.

Because I couldn't be seperated from you. Not again.”

But you think it's fine if I am?”

No!” I cried. “I would never!”

She pulled away from me. “Okay. But this had better be a part of a bigger plan.”

I promise.”

The blacksmith grabbed Andrea roughly and started dragging her away, telling her not to touch the king. She kicked and screamed at him to let go, but to no avail. I pained me to see her like this, like someone plunging an icicle into my heart.

I spun around and grasped the handle of Excalibur and yanked it out. It was surprisingly easy to pull out and light in my grasp. I pointed it at the smithy and Andrea.

Put. Her. Down,” I ordered. “Now.”

The smithy stared at me and realeased Andrea, dropping her with a thud on the dusty road. She stood up, rubbing her back, and staring at me in terror.

You...” she whispered. “Logan... what did you do?”

The townsfolk cheered and the baker hoisted me up on his shoulders. They began marching to a castle in the distance, no doubt my new home. I couldn't see Arthur or Andrea, the mob had swallowed them up. I tried desperately to find them, to escape, but it was in vain.

The town ushered me into the castle, and forced me down in my throne. Kenna stood next to me and muttered “sorry.” I could barely hear her. She was going on about some sort of robe fittings, asigning guards, and hiring servants.

Everytime I stood up at the glimpse of copper hair like mine, the baker sat me down again. When he pushed at my shoulder, it was almost like he was trying to be gentle and rough at the same time.

Finally, I saw Andrea and Arthur, pleading something to the “guards” outside. The “guards” shook their heads and stood their ground.

Andy!” I yelled, standing up.

The baker grunted and forced me down again.

I glared at him. “Stop! I'm trying to talk to someone!”

He took a step back, surprised, giving me all the time I needed to stand up and race as far as I could to the great wooden doors.

Some of the townsfolk was pushing them closed, slowly, making large groaning sounds from the rusty hinges.

Andrea looked up at me, her eyes filled with fear and sadness. I felt a meaty hand on my shoulder stopping me, and begin pulling me backwards. The baker caught up to me.

As the town closed the grand doors, the last thing I saw was Andrea's face, her eyes brimming with tears as well as some escaping ones sliding down her freckled face. She ran towards me, but it was too late. The doors closed with a heavy boom.

I silently swore that I would escape, that I would make Arthur king, and that I would see my sister again, and she wouldn't be crying.

Original Post

Hi Natalya! 

 Nice chapter. It definitely keeps the plot moving. I like how you clearly have enforced Logan's motivation and goals, since that is what will ultimately make the readers root for him! 

 I agree with Nazaha, there's a quite a bit going on in the chapter. While it grabs my attention, maybe it would be useful to make the pacing a bit more relaxed. Another thought I had was the setting. I get the sense they're in a medieval village, but it would be beneficial to describe it a bit more. What does it look like, smell like, sound like, what are the people wearing, what are they doing, etc. 

 I'm really falling in love with your story. Your writing is really compelling and will surely hook readers! 

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