Natalya Patz (Charles Best)

Draft Three, Scenery Pass (You know that it's long by now, right?)

Chapter One The Standing Stones “ Draw back to the corner of your mouth gently, and make sure the string touches your nose,” I instructed. “because if it doesn't—” “ It will hit my nose when I release,” my twelve-year-old sister Andrea cut me off. “Logan, you tell me that every time. Can I shoot now?” I sighed and stepped back, nodding. Andrea released the arrow. It landed with a light thunk in the center of a big oak tree we were using as a target. Come to think of it, it was probably the...Read More...
Last Reply By FATMAFOZIA · First Unread Post

Draft Three, Magic Pass (Still incredibly long! Read in a comfortable seat!)

Chapter One The Standing Stones “ Draw back to the corner of your mouth gently, and make sure the string touches your nose,” I instructed. “because if it doesn't—” “ It will hit my nose when I release,” my twelve-year-old sister Andrea cut me off. “Logan, you tell me that every time. Can I shoot now?” I sighed and stepped back, nodding. Andrea released the arrow. It landed with a light thunk in the center of a big oak tree we were using as a target. Come to think of it, it was probably the...Read More...

Arthur's Heir, Draft Three B (Incredibly Long!)

Chapter One The Standing Stones “Draw back to the corner of your mouth gently, and make sure the string touches your nose,” I instructed. “because if it doesn't—” “It will hit my nose when I release,” my twelve-year-old sister Andrea cut me off. “Logan, you tell me that every time. Can I shoot now?” I sighed and stepped back, nodding. Andrea released the arrow. It landed with a light thunk in the center of a big oak tree we were using as a target. Come to think of it, it was probably the...Read More...

Draft Three, Names of Nobles Pass (Warning! Very long!)

Chapter One The Standing Stones “ Draw back to the corner of your mouth gently, and make sure the string touches your nose,” I instructed. “because if it doesn't—” “ It will hit my nose when I release,” my twelve-year-old sister Andrea cut me off. “Logan, you tell me that every time. Can I shoot now?” I sighed and stepped back, nodding. Andrea released the arrow. It landed with a light thunk in the center of a big oak tree we were using as a target. Come to think of it, it was probably the...Read More...

What I've Learned, Done Good and Can Improve in Draft Two

What I learned in my second draft of Arthur's Heir, was that I needed to add more descriptions of places and sometimes even people. Once I do it, people have said that I am good at describing. I enjoyed writing about Lyn AKA Merlin, especially since I have learned that Guinevere was a political marriage. I found that not as many people commented on my story as they did in my first draft and when they did, it wasn't about how I could improve. I can probably improve my story by describing even...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Nine, Rightful Ruler, Draft Two

I heard light footsteps coming from around the corner, light like a child's. I grabbed Andrea's hand and yanked her behind a bunch of barrels. “ Why are we hiding? It could be Lyn, ” Andrea whispered. She made a move to go back to where we were, but I tightened my grip around her arm. “ What if it isn't? ” I quietly said. “ What if it's a guard? Or the knight? People are looking for me now, you know. I had to escape from my room to get to you. ” She looked at me in awe. “ You... you did? ” I...Read More...

Chapter Eight, The Great Escape, Draft Two

In one moment, she jumped, her light blue dress and blond ringlets disappearing over the ledge. I ran to the window and looked out. There was a splash, but Lyn didn't come up for air. I nearly hit myself on the head. Of course! She must not know how to swim! And before I knew what was happening, I took off my heavy cloak and jumped too. I landed with a splash, but honestly, it felt like hitting wet concrete. I nearly yelped in pain, but refused to let the air out of my mouth. Paddling...Read More...

Chapter Seven, Caught, Draft Two

“ Andrea... what are you talking about?” How could she know why our parents are fighting? “Are you sure?” She nodded. “Y-yes.” I put a hand on her shoulder and escorted her to sit on my large bed. Sobs were still wracking her body and she was looking at the floor. “Why? Can you tell me?” “ Dad... It wasn't his fault,” She finally met my eyes again. “Dad got really angry once. He hit me.” I gaped at her. “Why didn't you tell me?” I asked softly. “ Because I knew what you'd say,” she hiccuped.Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Six, Caught, Draft Two

The next day that passed felt like a blur. I couldn't get Andrea out of my head, her heartbroken face when the doors closed in front of her, separating me from her for who knew how long. I sat on a throne, slouching. Lyn stood behind me, reading out something, but I wasn't paying attention. She had been appointed as my herald and rarely left my side. Neither did the nobles who were competing in the tournament that was cancelled who appointed themselves as royal guards, although they were the...Read More...
Last Reply By Ben Laird (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Five, King For the Day, Draft Two

Hours after the crowning ceremony, which I had blanked out for most of it, I sat on an uncomfortable wooden throne as some washerwomen cleaned the golden one. I had been fitted for velvet robes and my camouflage clothes had been taken away from me. I found a bunch of townsfolk trying to figure my clothes out and it was rather funny to watch, but I had to make sure they were cleaning them, not wearing them or throwing them out. I had to choose and advisor a couple minutes afterwards, and...Read More...
Last Reply By Heeva Chavoshi (Charles Best) · First Unread Post

Chapter Four, In Charge, Draft Two

I struggled as I was dragged to the town square by a burly blacksmith. Andrea and Arthur were following me (thank goodness, I don't know what I'd do without her) as well as the mob who wanted to see the new king pull the Sword. No matter how hard I squirmed or how loud I protested, I was brought to the Stone with an audience. All eyes were on me. It reminded me of the time I was in middle school and I fell off the stage in our play. I hated it. “ Pull it!” an old lady yelled from the crowd.Read More...

Chapter Two, Arthur, Draft Two

I stood up and looked around. Where was I? Where was Andrea? Did I push her out on time? “ Andrea?” I called out. I began to walk around one of the buildings, the only nearby sound was gravel crunching beneath my foot. I heard other distant noises like people chattering and laughing. “Andy?” “ Logan?” I spun around to find Andrea sitting in the street, rubbing her head. “How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?” My eyes began to sting with tears of relief as I ran towards her,...Read More...

Chapter Two, Arthur, Draft Two

I stood up and looked around. Where was I? Where was Andrea? “ Andrea?” I called out. I began to walk around, the only sound was gravel crunching beneath my foot. “Andy?” “ Logan?” I spun around to find Andrea, leaning against a old fashioned cottage as if nothing was wrong. “How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?” My eyes began to sting with tears of relief as I ran towards her, swooping her up into a bear hug. “You're okay,” I whispered. “ Um... yeah. Are you?” Andrea...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Three, The New King, Draft Two

I'm pretty sure we stood there, staring, for a couple of minutes before either of us spoke. “ We... we're in the Medieval Ages,” Andrea breathed. “ But that's impossible,” I said. “It would also means we just made friends with our ancestor,” She looked at me with wide eyes. “Ancestor?” she repeated. I nodded. “Remember I had a school project on our family tree? We're related to King Arthur.” “ The Arthur we just met?” “ Well, if he wasn't some actor, yes.” “ Logan... do you know what this...Read More...

Chapter One, Standing Stones, Draft Two

“ Draw back to the corner of your mouth gently, and make sure the string touches your nose,” I instructed. “because if it doesn't—” “ It will hit my nose when I release,” my twelve-year-old sister Andrea cut me off. “Logan, you tell me that every time. Can I shoot now?” I sighed and stepped back, nodding. Andrea released the arrow. It landed with a light thunk in the center of a big oak tree we were using as a target. I whistled sharply. “ Bullseye,” I said. “Well done.” After retrieving her...Read More...
Last Reply By Vivienne Royle (Charles Best-Teacher) · First Unread Post

What I've learned, done good, and can improve in my book, Arthur's Heir

After writing my first draft of Arthur’s Heir (and after the editing notes from Butterfly Effect comments and my mom), I learned that I’m good at describing places and people because I make the scenes sound lifelike and I refer to the five senses. Unfortunately, I tend to forget to describe the places. Comments have also said that they can relate to my main characters because they seem like real people and the readers can relate to them more. However, I learned that drunken fathers hit their...Read More...
Last Reply By Denis Chege (Tigithi) · First Unread Post

Chapter Eight, Rightful Ruler

I heard light footsteps coming from around the corner, light like a child's. I grabbed Andrea's hand and yanked her behind a building. “ Why are we hiding? It could be Kenna, ” Andrea whispered. She made a move to go back to where we were, but I tightened my grip around her arm. “ What if it isn't? ” I quietly said. “ What if it's a guard? Or the smithy? People are looking for me now, you know. I had to escape from my room to get to you. ” She looked at me in awe. “ You... you did? ” I...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Seven, The Great Escape

In one moment, Kenna jumped, her light blue dress and blond ringlets disappearing over the ledge. I ran to the window and looked out. There was a splash, but Kenna didn't come up for air. I nearly hit myself on the head. Of course! People in the medieval era didn't know how to swim! And before I knew what was happening, I took off my heavy cloak and jumped too. I landed with a splash, but honestly, it felt like hitting concrete. I nearly yelped in pain, but refused to let the air out of my...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Six, Caught

I stood in shock, staring at my sister. Sobs were still wracking her body and she was looking at the floor. How did she know why our parents are fighting? “ Andrea... what are you talking about? Are you sure?” She nodded. “Y-yes.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “Why? Can you tell me?” “ Dad... It wasn't his fault,” She finally met my eyes again. “Dad got drunk once and hit me.” I gaped at her. “Why didn't you tell me?” I asked softly. “ Because I knew what you'd say,” she hiccuped. “You would...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Five, Price of Freedom

Chapter Five Price of Freedom The hours that passed felt like days, all a blur. I couldn't get Andrea out of my head, her heartbroken face when the doors closed in front of her, separating me from her for who knew how long. I sat on a throne, slouching. Kenna stood behind me, reading out something about assigning guards. She had been appointed as my herald and rarely left my side. Neither did the blacksmith who had given himself the title of “Captain of His Majesty's Royal Guard” although he...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Four, In Charge

Chapter Four In Charge I was being dragged to the town square by the burly blacksmith and the meaty baker. Why was everyone in this town so strong? Andrea and Arthur were following me (thank goodness, I don't know what I'd do without her and I was starting to like Arthur) as well as the mob who wanted to see the new king pull the Sword. No matter how hard I squirmed or how loud I protested, I was brought to the Stone with an audience. All eyes were on me. I hated it. “ Pull it!” an old lady...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Three, The New King

I'm pretty sure we stood there, staring, for about fifteen minutes before either of us spoke. “ We... we're in the Medieval Ages,” Andrea breathed. “ And we just made friends with our ancestor,” I said. She looked at me with wide eyes. “Ancestor?” she repeated. I nodded. “Remember when we had to do a project on our family tree? We're related to King Arthur.” “ The Arthur we just met?” “ Yep.” “ Logan... do you know what this means?” “ Uh... no?” Andrea pointed to the sword enthusiastically.Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Chapter Two, Arthur

I stood up and looked around. Where was I? Where was Andrea? “ Andrea?” I called out. I began to walk around, the only sound was gravel crunching beneath my foot. “Andy?” “ Logan?” I spun around to find Andrea, leaning against a old fashioned cottage as if nothing was wrong. “How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?” My eyes began to sting with tears of relief as I ran towards her, swooping her up into a bear hug. “You're okay,” I whispered. “ Um... yeah. Are you?” Andrea...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post

Arthur's Heir

Outline of Arthur's Heir Chapter 1: Logan and his little sister Andrea are out in the woods in England, practising archery. They come across a circle of standing stones and when Andrea enters the circle, she disappears. Immediately, Logan follows after her and ends up in the Medieval Ages. Chapter 2: Unaware of where they are, they find a boy named Arthur who provides them with Medieval clothes and a place to store their modern ones. Soon after, they find the Sword in the Stone. Chapter 3:...Read More...
Last Reply By Kylie Mantei (LFAS-Teacher) · First Unread Post

Chapter One, Standing Stones

“ Draw back to the corner of your mouth gently, and make sure the string touches your nose,” I instructed. “because if it doesn't—” “ It will hit my nose when I release,” my younger sister Andrea cut me off. “Logan, you tell me that every time. Can I shoot now?” I sighed and stepped back, nodding. Andrea released the arrow and it landed in the center of the knothole in the big oak tree we were using as a target. I whistled sharply. “ Bullseye,” I said. “Well done.” After retrieving her arrow...Read More...
Last Reply By Sophie Holland (LFAS) · First Unread Post
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