Purpose: To know that in what conditions do people feel being understood? What are they actually asking for?
What I found in this round of research:
We feel being 'understood', not because one person knows us. When we say 'I hope the other person knows me well', I mean, first of all, I hope that this person 'understands' us, something which is behind us.
This kind of understanding not only means that others capture some information about us, but also means that how we're looked from other’s eyes and how we look at ourselves are generally the same.
The understanding is comprehensive, which includes understanding 'what we are' and understanding our preferences, ideas and needs. At the same time, comprehensiveness also means that nothing is counted as right or wrong. For example, if a person only sees your strengths, you obviously feel that person doesn't really understand you.
However, understanding isn’t knowledge alone, it also includes acceptance and affirmation. When we say 'you know me', we also show and express an emotional connection and trust.
In addition, understanding is also behavioral. When others satisfy our needs, we feel 'being understood'. 'Understanding' includes a behavioral and linguistic support. When we receive this kind of behavior, especially when we have not put forward our own needs in the language, we receive these behaviors and we will have a strong sense of 'being understood'.
The reason why everyone wants to be understood by others is due to the need for "self-verification.
Our view of ourselves is justified by the opinion of others. After this, these verified parts will eventually become part of our self-concept. For example, we think we are a person with a strong sense of responsibility, but our friends do not think so, then we will doubt whether or not we are responsible.
Especially those who are most intimate and who care most about ourselves, we feel their own existence through their being seen by them, and also through their understanding, to increase our acceptance and love of ourselves. This is why, we must choose a pair of gentle enough eyes to be our closest people.
Especially those who are most intimate and who care most about ourselves, we feel our own existence through being seen by them, and also through their understanding, to increase our acceptance and love of ourselves.
1, Collins, N.L. & Feeney, B.C., Anattachment theory perspective on closeness and intimacy, in Mashek, D. &Aron, A. (Eds, 2004), Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy. NJ: Erlbaum.
2, Hudson, P. (2014). Why being loved is not the same as understood. Elite Daily.
3, Swann, W. B., Jr., Chang-Schneider, C.& McClarty, K. (2007). Do people’s self-views matter? Self-concept andself-esteem in everyday life. American Psychologist.
4, LCPC, D. N. (2017, April 26). How You Can Learn to Understand People on a Deeper Level. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com...-unde_b_9774012.html
5, Communication: How to Understand Others' Feelings for Relationships. (2017, May 22). Retrieved from http://www.6seconds.org/2017/0...cation-relationship/