Chapter Six, Caught

I stood in shock, staring at my sister. Sobs were still wracking her body and she was looking at the floor. How did she know why our parents are fighting?

Andrea... what are you talking about? Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Y-yes.”

I put a hand on her shoulder. “Why? Can you tell me?”

Dad... It wasn't his fault,” She finally met my eyes again. “Dad got drunk once and hit me.”

I gaped at her. “Why didn't you tell me?” I asked softly.

Because I knew what you'd say,” she hiccuped. “You would try to get me away from dad. You would hold a grudge against him. I know you, Logan. You're my big brother.”

But if he hit you...”

He was drunk!” Andrea cried. “You were out with Jordan, playing paintball. I was at home. It was a few months ago. Dad came in... he looked at me as if I was in trouble, even though I was just reading on the couch. Mom came in just when he did it.

He tried everything to make it up to me. I've forgiven him, of course, but mom hasn't. I want to somehow make her realize what dad did for me afterwards, but I'm afraid. What if I just make everything worse?” She clasped my hands tightly. “Logan, help me. Please. I don't want them to fight anymore.”

I stared at her. She finally asked someone for help, I thought. “Andrea, we'll tackle this problem. Together. I promise.”

I heard the door open, and we turned around. Kenna was standing there, her hands clasped in front of her.

I'm so sorry, Logan. I heard everything. I was listening at the door.”

Andrea glared at her, but I squeezed her hand. “It's all right, Kenna. I need to get out of here and put the Sword back.”

Logan, I need to warn you. My father heard the noise and is coming. Your sister must hide.”

Andrea looked at me with wide eyes. “I'm not going anywhere.”

Andy, if you think you're being brave, think again. If you let that blacksmith find you, it's a suicide mission.”

Kenna nodded. “It's true. If my father finds you, he'll be enraged. You'll wish you jumped out a window.”

Kenna, lock the door. It could buy us some time.” I said.

She nodded and closed the door quietly and bolted it shut. “If he believes you're in danger, this door won't hold him for long, even if it is mahogany.”

It could still buy us some time.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, there were heavy footsteps marching up the stone staircase.

There goes our extra time.” Andrea said.

I ran to one of my walls and flung open my window. “Andy, go.” I ordered.

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you crazy?”

The door rattled. “BOY!” hollered the smithy. “OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!”

He's busy, father!” Kenna replied, holding the door shut. “What should you be busy doing?” she whispered to us.

Uh... microwaving lunch?” Andrea suggested.

Kenna looked confused. “What's a microwave?


What should he be doing?!” she whispered fiercely. She struggled desperately at holding the door closed.

I don't know!” Andrea cried.


Andrea, jump. Now.”


The door exploded off of its hinges in a shower of splinters. The smithy walked in, sword at the ready. His eyes landed on my sister. “You.” he said, glaring at her.

Yes. Me,” she said boldly. It made me want to tackle her to the ground to make her stay quiet.

What are you doing here,” he growled. It sounded more like a statement than a question.

I came for my brother.”

He's King now.”

I don't care.”

Her last sentence made me wince. The smithy's eyes narrowed into tiny, blue slits. “You should.”

Without another word, he grabbed my sister and flung her over his shoulder, carrying her out of my room.


Put her down!” I yelled. He didn't seem to hear me, whether by choice or by accident. Andrea squirmed and kicked at him.

Father, stop! NOW!”

He hesitated that time, but kept walking. With a kick of his boot, the door slammed shut on me and Kenna. I heard a key enter the keyhole and click the lock into place.

I turned to Kenna. “What should we do?”

She walked over to the still-open window. She turned to me. “We save Andrea.”

Original Post

Hey Natalya!

Once again, you've written a very interesting chapter! One thing that stood out especially to me was your choice to have Andrea's father hit her; I think this is a very bold move, and one that  I feel makes the story feel deeper and more real, opposed to being just another work of fantasy. I also would like to commend you on the imagery that you achieve in this story; I can really see the characters coming to life while I am reading your installments! Great work!

I would love to talk to you more about writing, as it is my main passion in life, so please feel free to send me a message some time! Do you want to become an author when you grow up? Please let me know! 

Good luck!  

Hello Natalya! 

 Your story is brilliant! It's developed so much since the first chapter. The characters are distinct, the pacing seems good, and I liked all the action that took place in this chapter as well. Also, that was an interesting backstory as to why the parents fight. I agree with Anika, having the dad hit her gives the story an element of realness and anguish or negativity she might be feeling. 

 I wanted to ask you who you think your target audience might be. Would you want to aim this work at young adults, preteens, etc? 

 Also, if you're interested, here is a link to a YouTube channel by a published fantasy/adventure fiction author, Jenna Moreci. Fair warning, she does use foul language quite often and some of her videos contain frank discussion of mature subject matter, so if you prefer not to hear that stuff use your discretion. But she's a really good writer and has excellent advice for writers of all ages and genres, and a lot of stuff that I found really helpful, so if you're interested you can check out her channel.

Nice job! 

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